I sit here in the dusk; the soft warm breeze gently grazing my skin. The rain gently pitter-patters against the porch roof outside the open window adjacent to me. Red wine warms my throat and tongue as I swallow. Thunder rumbles in the distance. An occasional streak of lightning illuminates the horizon.
I feel the familiar internal struggle with feelings. The shadows of doubt. Uncertainty. Disgust for myself and my reactions. The familiar, nagging questions. How did I get here? How do I get out? What do I want? Will I ever feel satisfied with anything?
Once again I focus; quieting my mind; sitting in silence. I listen to the song of the dancing raindrops. Frogs croak with happiness in the damp eve. Birds sing joyful songs. Peace filling my soul replacing the stresses of the day- the hurt feelings; the chaos; the seemingly important things that really don’t matter. Doubt is replaced by thoughts of strength. Forgiveness replaces guilt. A small sense of pride in things accomplished throughout the day; a realization that these are the moments that matter.
In these moments I’m reminded of so many things. I have done hard things. It’s ok to be ok with who I am. I am strong. I am worthy. I am enough all on my own.